https://www.google.com.tw/amp/s/www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/amp46635/capstone-vs-cornerstone-marriage/
"Capstone" Marriage vs "Cornerstone Marriage"
A reader recently pointed me toward an article in The Atlantic: How Marital Infidelity Became America's Last Taboo. I expected to read about cheating and the damage it does, but what I didn't expect was an entirely new way to look at marriage.
The article discusses a recent Gallup poll that surveyed 1535 adults in the U.S. were asked their views on the morality of various things like gay marriage, polygamy, pregnancy out of wedllock, and yes, cheating on your spouse. In 2013, only 6% of those surveyed found infidelity morally acceptable, giving it the lowest ranking of all the questions asked in the survey.
But the article goes further to exam the fact that young people are choosing to marry later in life. Referring back to a previous article by Karen Swallow, they talk about the Cornerstone model for marriage, where you treat the marriage as something you build a life around - together. There's an assumption there of mutual struggle and the overcoming of obstacles together.
What's happening instead is young people are delaying marriage and creating what they call the Capstone model, where marriage is considered the capstone you put on top of your already built life. The article explains why that can be trouble:
Capstoners believe that marriage is something you enter into only after you've finished sowing your proverbial oats... The capstone model is much less forgiving of sexual betrayal because it presumes that those who finally get around to marrying should be mature enough to be both self-regulating and scrupulously honest.
In other words, it comes with the assumption that if you wait a little longer and get all that sexual tension out of your system before you marry, you'll never want to cheat. Or be cheated on. It's naive, and it unrealistically removes the truth that a good marriage can sometimes be hard work. Work that needs to be done together, with the expectation that you're building a life - together.
I don't think you need to look the other way if your partner cheats on you to preserve your marriage, but I do think you have to understand that infidelity is only a symptom of a far deeper problem in the individual and quite probably in your marriage. That deeper problem can be addressed and worked through, if you care enough about that life you're building together. If all you want to do is get back to the life you used to have before the wedding, you've missed the point of the marriage altogether.
Do you think that "sowing your wild oats" before marriage makes a difference, as far as marital fidelity goes?
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